


Secrets

by Ash573



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: Fence (Comics)
Genre: M/M, this is completed (7/7) but I don't know how to fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash573/pseuds/Ash573
Summary: Seiji knows Nicholas isn’t telling him everything about his past but then Seiji accidentally sees something he isn't supposed to and he can’t ignore Nicholas’s secrets any longer.
Relationships: Nicholas Cox/Seiji Katayama
Series: Secrets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958377
Comments: 48
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright guys I'm gonna apologize in advance cause this is the first fic I'm posting without completing it first, so hopefully this works out. I just couldn't get this idea out of my head so... here this is. I hope you enjoy it!

Seiji was exhausted. It was only about a month into the school year, but with fencing practices after school every day and his practices with Dymtro, it was draining. And then of course, this week Seiji had asked Dymtro for night practices too. Dymtro had agreed but made Seiji promise he’d get enough sleep. Seiji promised yet he was still exhausted. Not that he would show it tomorrow morning though.

For the past few days, Seiji had been returning to his room exactly at curfew. Seiji expected Nicholas to be awake as he was the past three nights. Curfew, Nicholas said, was only a suggestion. Seiji had rolled his eyes at that. Curfew was put in place for a reason, but Nicholas stayed up, either on his phone or his computer.

“You should be asleep,” Seiji had said yesterday.

“I’m not tired,” Nicholas had argued. Then he added, “Besides, I was waiting up for you.”

Seiji had gone rigid and looked at Nicholas with a look of disapproval at his joking-flirting manner. Seiji wasn’t sure what it really was, but he didn’t exactly want it. Nicholas had only laughed and went back to his computer.

Tonight was different though. Seiji was more exhausted and apparently so was Nicholas, because when Seiji walked into their room, Nicholas was fast asleep on his bed, his body curved into a pillow, his face angled towards his open laptop.

Seiji scoffed in disgust as he walked closer into Nicholas's side of the room. He could only see in the dark because of Nicholas's ridiculous night light but Seiji was not about to admit that it was actually useful this week.

There were a variety of black clothes— shirts, shorts, sweatpants, and hoodies— scattered on the ground. Nicholas hadn’t worn shorts since it had started to get cold and yet they were somehow still on the ground. Disgusting. And how many different black hoodies did one boy need? Seiji counted three— four, including the one Nicholas was wearing— identical black hoodies before he gave up counting.

Seiji dropped his fencing bag on his side of the room and almost left Nicholas alone, but Seiji noticed his laptop was still open and unplugged.

He decided he’d help Nicholas out this once by charging his laptop which he’d need for an English essay tomorrow. Seiji wouldn’t be in the mood to listen to Nicholas’s excuses in the middle of class anyway.

Seiji managed to find a path of clean floor to get to Nicholas's bed and take the laptop from him.

He had to stretch across Nicholas's sleeping form, his chest peacefully rising and falling in his hoodie. Seiji’s eyes fell briefly to his hair that was wild and untamed from sleep. Then a small sound, a ding, came from his laptop. In the moment Seiji had been looking down at Nicholas while holding the laptop, his thumb had drifted and the computer turned on again.

Shit. He hadn’t meant to turn it on. Thankfully Nicholas hadn’t heard it and Seiji went to go set it down on Nicholas's desk. Seiji found the cord and plugged it in and that’s when he froze. He saw what Nicholas was watching before he fell asleep.

It was a video of Robert Coste’s matches from the Olympics. Nicholas had made it halfway through the video and it was paused there. Why was Nicholas watching Robert Coste's matches?

Seiji knew he shouldn’t have looked any further, but curiosity got the better of him. It was a strange rush that overcame him. It was the same feeling, or something similar, that had made him impulsive enough to drag Nicholas into that storage closet weeks ago and confront him about Jesse.

Nicholas had denied knowing who Jesse even was, let alone having any sort of connection to him. Seiji wasn’t proud of his actions that day. He’d been angry and itching for a fight and he took it out on Nicholas. That wasn’t what Seiji wanted this time.

Yet when Seiji thought back to their fight, part of him thought something was bound to happen between the two after so much tension and it only made sense that Jesse was the catalyst.

Jesse Coste somehow fit into this, Seiji was sure. He just didn't know how and it irritated him more than it should have.

Seiji thought he left everything to do with Jesse at Nationals, after a fight that ended eight years of friendship. But here Jesse was again in his life… and this time Nicholas was in it too.

That’s why Seiji kept looking at the computer. He didn’t click anything, not even the cursor. Seiji only allowed himself to look over the other tabs Nicholas had open. He had a few more open tabs. Though some were just normal tabs for school, there was one other that Seiji saw, an interview with Robert coste from sixteen years ago.

Seiji closed the laptop. Another wave of guilt rushed through him for looking. But still curiosity made him question everything he saw.

Nicholas had never mentioned Robert Coste before. In fact, Seiji remembered a few times that Coach Williams or Harvard spoke of Robert Coste, Nicholas was uncharacteristically silent. So why was he suddenly looking him up? Maybe it was just because Robert Coste attended Kings Row and was an Olympic fencer. But something about that didn’t even feel right.

This, whatever this was, had to be related to Jesse. Why else would Nicholas be looking at an interview from so long ago? But then again, Jesse was famous in the fencing world too, just like Robert. There were videos of his fencing and interviews from Nationals. Seiji remembered Jesse telling him about all the interviews he was lined up for.

So why wasn’t Nicholas watching those?

Seiji went into the bathroom. For once it was actually clean, though he stared at the floor to see if it was wet first. He didn’t necessarily feel like slipping and then feeling obligated to yell at Nicholas later. He didn’t even have the energy to yell at Nicholas-- that was proof enough of his exhaustion. Seiji changed into pajamas and went through with his nightly routine like normal, but his curiosity didn’t go away.

Nicholas was still asleep in the same position when Seiji came back out and went to his side of the room.

Seiji took his own laptop and his headphones from his desk. Even though he was exhausted, he felt strangely awake. He had too many questions milling around in his head to sleep just yet.

Seiji typed up the name of the video Nicholas had been watching and squinted at the bright screen in the dark. Seiji had met Robert Coste before. It was inevitable, as he’d been friends with Jesse for most of his childhood. But Seiji never took Robert's fencing into account. It had been years since Seiji had watched Robert’s fencing videos with Jesse. He’d seen a few videos, his most famous matches at the Olympics that won him his gold medal. Seiji and Jesse wanted to be just like him.

Maybe Nicholas did too.

Seiji watched Robert’s matches with new eyes. Robert's fencing was easy to watch, easy to study his movements, his skills, but as Seiji watched him more it was harder to unsee Jesse in him. Robert coste was not much older than Jesse in the video.

Seiji watched his clean technique, perfect posture, quick steps. He couldn’t anticipate what he usually could. Robert could see the openings in his opponent’s defense a moment before Seiji could.

Nicholas can do that too, Seiji thought to himself. Then he felt his breath hitch. He hadn’t consciously thought of Nicholas, he had just... slipped into Seiji’s mind.

Seiji went to rewind the clip, wondering if it was just his late night exhaustion that was getting to him.

But it wasn’t. He watched the clip twice again. Robert had seen the openings before Seiji just like Nicholas had.

He hadn’t thought of Jesse when he saw Robert do that, only Nicholas, which was strange for countless reasons. Seiji knew Jesse's fencing style like the back of his hand. They’d trained together for years. And Jesse was Robert’s son, so of course he’d be taught the same skills. But then there was Nicholas... there was a similarity there somewhere. With Robert and with Jesse undoubtedly.

Seiji watched the rest of the video, watching for similarities, trying to sort out his thoughts. It didn’t help much.

With every match, Seiji could find more and more similarities to Nicholas. Nicholas was nowhere near Robert’s level of technique, but the basic understanding of fencing was there in the skills they possessed.

Could Nicholas have picked that kind of thing up from watching Robert Coste's videos? Seiji didn’t think it was believable but the only other option was if Nicholas had somehow trained with Jesse and Robert, which wasn’t possible either. Jesse hadn’t recognized him when he had visited Kings Row last month.

Jesse had Robert as a coach and that's how he learned. Seiji was told he was a prodigy even without Robert’s training. But where did Nicholas learn how to see his opponent’s openings like that?

For a brief moment, Seiji wondered if Nicholas was ever told of his skill, beyond just having potential.

Nicholas was a prodigy of sorts. Maybe not a child prodigy, but... Seiji had seen him improve drastically in record time. And his natural skill was undeniable.

Seiji cleared his head of thoughts like that. In an instant, Seiji felt incredibly guilty for trying to figure out Nicholas's secrets. It wasn’t fair of him to try and pry open Nicholas's life. Seiji deleted the tabs he’d opened.

Most of all, Seiji wanted to believe Nicholas. Nicholas didn’t seem like a liar, or at least a good one. And Nicholas had told Seiji multiple times he didn’t know why he fenced like Jesse.

Seiji heard the curtain rustle. Shit.

Seiji looked up from his computer, composing himself. Nick had woken up and walked to Seiji’s side of the room.

“Seiji?” Nicholas asked, sleep making his voice softer. “What are you still doing up?”

Seiji blinked trying to think of a lie. “I...I was doing homework.”

“Don’t you have fencing tomorrow morning? Your coach will probably be pissed if you fall asleep on the piste.” Nicholas yawned as he crossed his arms.

Seiji scuffed. How was Nicholas still so effortlessly annoying in the middle of the night?

“I won’t fall asleep on the piste,” Seiji said, confident. “But why are you awake?”

Nicholas shrugged. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep earlier. It was supposed to be a nap but it kinda—“ he said as he sat on the edge of Seiji’s bed.

“When did you decide to nap? Seven?” Seiji asked, unashamed of his critical tone.

Nicholas nodded like it made complete sense. “You should be asleep by now. You’re not usually up this late.” He rested his back on the edge of Seiji’s bed now, making himself comfortable as if he expected Seiji to let him stay there.

“Why do you care about my sleep schedule?” Seiji asked, debating whether or not to yell at Nicholas for sitting on his bed. “Only a few weeks ago you were trying to convince me to sneak out after curfew.”

“It was worth a shot. I thought ice cream would persuade you,” Nicholas mumbled. “But seriously you wake up at the ass crack of dawn, you should go to sleep.”

Seiji rolled his eyes but he was tired now. “That’s the plan. Though you don’t wake up that much later than me now that you’ve added morning practices too.”

Seiji was not about to admit that he found it admirable that Nicholas started training in the mornings too.

Nicholas groaned like just the thought of waking up in the morning caused him pain. “That’s cause you’re too good of an influence on me,” Nicholas said in a light accusatory voice. “A month ago I couldn’t wake before seven. And now I actually like it since it gives me more time to fence.”

Seiji shrugged without sympathy. “I would like to take credit for your sleep modifications, but I never asked you to wake up with me.”

Nicholas rolled his eyes. “Oh, I know but it’s too fun waking up, getting to fence, and annoying you and your coach all within the first half an hour of my day. That’s motivation in itself.”

Seiji glared at him. “Go to sleep. I’m tired,” Seiji said, moving his laptop from his bed to his nightstand. Nicholas hadn’t moved.

“Good,” Nicholas said, smirking and not showing any sign of moving. “Good night.”

Seiji glared at him more. He nudged Nicholas with a little more force than expected and Nicholas rose, grinning. “God, fine, I’ll leave.”

“Did you honestly think I was going to let you sleep on my bed? Especially while you’re wearing one of the four hoodies that spent the week on your floor. You’re disgusting.”

Nicholas laughed. “Well, I can take it off...” Nicholas said and reached his arms down to pull at the fabric. Seiji barely saw an inch of Nicholas's hip and he turned away.

“That’s not what I meant,” Seiji said with his face burning. “I’m tired now.”

“Good. My plan worked,” Nicholas was still smiling. “Good night, Seiji.” He said as he walked back to his side of the room.

Seiji uttered it back but he said it through a yawn. He couldn’t bring himself to ask Nicholas about what was on his computer. He didn’t want to invade his privacy more than he already had. But Seiji figured there were other means of finding out Nicholas’s secrets. He just needed to sleep on it.


	2. Chapter 2

Seiji could hide the exhaustion well enough. He yawned into his arm every so often, but Dymtro didn’t catch on. 

Fencing was actually helping him stay awake and stay focused. He didn’t think about Nicholas or anything from the previous night. All he had to do was fence. Seiji and Dymtro had been fencing for half an hour and Seiji had managed to deflect every one of Dymtro’s hits. That was, until Seiji heard the door to the salle open and Nicholas walked in. 

Dymtro’s blade hit Seiji’s chest. If Seiji wasn’t so distracted by Nicholas, he would’ve been embarrassed that he let such an easy hit get past his defense. 

Nicholas readjusted the bag on his shoulder and smirked as Seiji stumbled back from Dymtro’s hit. Nicholas was still wearing his black hoodie and sweatpants-- a hideous combination really. 

Nicholas managed to keep his smirk as he yawned. “Good morning, Seiji.”

Seiji ignored him and went back to fencing Dymtro. Only Dymtro was now waiting there with his arms crossed. Seiji yawned as he said, “Sorry, Coach.”

Dymtro shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry, Seiji. You’re just tired.”

“I’m not,” Seiji began to protest, but he waited for Dymtro to respond. When Dymtro only looked questioningly back at him, Seiji continued. “I promise. I’m fine. Can we fence again?”

Dymtro hesitated and flicked a look over to Nicholas, who was stretching on the other side of the salle. Dymtro nodded. 

Seiji continued to fence him. He was working on trying to improve his speed, but he could tell he wasn’t making much progress. Dymtro was able to get more and more hits in as they practiced. After fifteen minutes, Dymtro pulled back. “You’re in your head too much, Seiji. Just relax. Grab some water and we can fence again in five minutes,” he suggested. 

Seiji nodded and dabbed his forehead with a towel and drank water. Nicholas was in his own world, practicing his technique against a practice dummy with various circles on it, marked with numbers. Seiji watched him, bored until he realized the speed with which Nicholas moved now. Though Seiji couldn’t tell if Nicholas was hitting the marks directly, his speed was impressive nonetheless. 

Even his technique was improving. The lines of Nicholas’s body looked better than when he’d first come to kings row. He was more balanced and slightly less tense in his shoulders.

He was brought back into his thoughts from the night before. Seiji could see the similarities between Nicholas and Robert now. Seiji knew that kind of speed was rare. He also knew it was not the kind of skill one could easily acquire. 

Nicholas had fallen into a rhythm of lunging to hit certain parts of the dummy over and over again.

“Ready, Seiji?” Dymtro asked.

Seiji froze and realized he’d been watching him the entire time. “I’m ready,” he said, turning around from Nicholas, who was now taking a break too. 

Dymtro didn’t say anything but Seiji had a suspicion Dymtro had seen him staring. 

But instead of dwelling on it, Seiji threw himself back into fencing. Slowly, Seiji’s exhaustion slipped away, giving way to the adrenaline that came with fencing. However, every once in a while Seiji would lose focus on his own fencing and wonder if he could recognize Robert’s fencing in Nicholas’s. His eyes drifted over to Nicholas and he saw Nicholas now striking the dummy with increased speed and a better stance than before. 

Before Seiji could make any other comparisons, he felt a sharp jab at his side. Seiji groaned before he could stop himself. He wasn’t usually one to complain around Dymtro. 

“Sorry, Coach,” Seiji said, readjusting his grip on his épée.

“Seiji, are you sure you’re alright? You seem a little distracted,” Dymtro said, hesitating on the last word. Seiji’s mask hid his blush when Dymtro said the last word. Distracted wasn’t really the term Seiji would’ve preferred, but he could see how Dymtro thought…that.

“I’m fine,” Seiji said. Though he was still looking over in Nicholas’s general direction, trying to study his movements without really staring at him.  
The whole thing was harder than Seiji wished it was. He didn’t want to look away. 

Then Seiji saw it. A small wrist motion Nicholas used when anticipating an opening. On the dummy it was hard to tell if Seiji could have spotted it before Nicholas or not, but either way, Nicholas was fast.

Dymtro shifted so he wasn’t looking at Nicholas, but only at Seiji. “That boy over there is your roommate right?”

Seiji nodded. “But that’s not... uh no. He’s not distracting me. I’m just,” Seiji paused as he thought up a lie, “I’m just thinking about the fencing banquet in a few weeks.”

It wasn’t a total lie. It had been on his mind, ever since Coach Williams mentioned it to the team a few practices ago. Today there was supposed to be a meeting regarding the banquet information, so Seiji figured it was believable enough.

Dymtro nodded. “I see,” he said. “Will Exton be there?”

Seiji nodded. “I assume so. They attended last year, I know.”

“How are things with you and Jesse? You mentioned he came here a few weeks ago for a visit.”

Seiji shrugged. “I haven’t seen Jesse since, though he’ll certainly be at the banquet if Exton is in attendance. He wouldn’t miss an opportunity to flaunt around his team to the other schools.” Seiji didn’t try too hard to hide his distaste for Jesse’s arrogance, but Dymtro was silent. 

Dymtro had seen that friendship from the beginning until the end. He was the one who was there for Seiji after their huge fight. The one Seiji had vented to about Jesse after nationals. 

“Do you mind if we try fencing again?” Seiji asked. “I don’t want to talk about Jesse anymore.”

Dymtro nodded. They fenced for another half hour, during which Seiji was much more focused. It was fitting with his lie, he supposed, that after talking about the banquet he was able to focus a little more. 

Seiji didn’t usually think much of Nicholas outside of fencing and the irritating habits he had to endure as a roommate, even though they were supposedly friends now. But Seiji had a fairly limited streak of friends, so he didn’t exactly know what a normal friendship was like. 

Though he didn’t think friends thought of the other for the majority of the school day. But Seiji had. 

Finally, the last bell rang and Seiji was walking towards the salle with his fencing bag on his shoulder when he heard sprinting footsteps suddenly beside him. 

“Seiji,” Nicholas said, his grin wide even though he was exhausted. “Wait up.”

“We could have just met up at the salle,” Seiji said.

“Well, I saw you now, so we’re walking together. It’s far from school anyways. I was hopelessly lost on my first day,” Nicholas said.

Seiji rolled his eyes. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Hey,” Nicholas said, defensive, “I haven’t gotten lost since. And I blame the first time on Eugene.”

Seiji nodded, not sure exactly what else to say. “You fenced well this morning.” Shit. That wasn’t what he wanted to say. Now Nicholas would know he had watched him.

But Nicholas’s face lit up into a different kind of smile, one that was more joy than of his joking intentions. “I did?” Nicholas asked.

Seiji nodded. “Your technique looked better and you’re fast.” Seiji was about to let it drop, but then he added, “How much training did you have exactly before Kings Row?”

“Only a year or so,” Nicholas said. 

A year… Seiji nodded. A year wasn’t nearly enough to explain that kind of speed that Nicholas had in his hits. 

They made their way into the salle and changed out before the meeting with Coach Williams. Harvard was standing near Coach’s wall of rules and talking with Coach as she flipped through some papers. Nicholas went and sat with Eugene on the floor where he was stretching. Aiden was nowhere to be found. 

Seiji began his warm up stretches too, since he figured Harvard wouldn’t start without Aiden. Seiji didn’t have any hopes of Aiden showing up for another ten minutes, a time which he referred to as “fashionably late.” Though as this meeting didn’t strictly pertain to fencing, Seiji figured Aiden might show up. After all, Aiden was the first one to mention the banquet a week ago after all. 

Another few minutes went by and Aiden walked in, looking unapologetic even though he knew he delayed the meeting. He only managed a little shrug when Harvard looked at him disapprovingly.

“Did I miss anything?” Aiden asked.

“You know I wouldn’t start without you here,” Harvard said, beginning to hand out the papers about the banquet. Aiden only grinned back at him. 

Seiji thanked him as he took the papers. Then he realized Nicholas was sitting closer to him than he originally was. 

“A banquet?” Nicholas asked.

Seiji just blinked at him. “Have you not been paying attention at all? Coach mentioned it last week and so did Aiden.”

“I’m good at blocking out what Aiden says,” Nicholas said with a proud smile, missing the point of Seiji’s question. Nicholas went back to flipping through the papers and his smile faded. He was tapping his fingers restlessly against the edges of the papers.

“Okay,” Coach began, “let’s get this meeting over with. As you all know, the fall fencing banquet is next weekend. All of the specifics are on the first page. We have arranged for you all to ride there and back, so please don’t be late,” Coach said with a direct glance at Aiden. 

Aiden shrugged but nodded after Coach threatened two hundred suicides. 

Seiji read the papers quickly. The attire was formal and from the picture, it looked like the banquet was being held at a country club. 

Then Coach continued on, “I spoke with all the other coaches and all the schools on the roster are planning on attending, so this will be your first chance to meet everyone without any competition looming over you. Some parents may be in attendance as chaperones and coaches of course, but the event is for the teams to get to know each other. No fighting.”

Aiden and Harvard were laughing. Aiden said something about Tanner’s long streak of fights at banquets.

Nicholas nudged Seiji in the elbow. There was a slight crease in between his brows. “Hey,” he whispered, “What schools are going to be there?”

“All of the schools in Connecticut that have decent enough fencing teams,” Seiji said bluntly. 

“Wait, so Exton...” Nicholas trailed off, staring back at the information paper. 

Seiji tensed for a moment. Nicholas was wondering about Exton. He hadn’t asked about any other school. 

Seiji nodded in affirmation. “Why does it matter to you?” 

Nicholas shrugged like it didn’t matter, though not convincingly. “Just wondering if I should expect you to be fighting with Jesse the entire time.”

Seiji scoffed. He knew how to keep a level head around Jesse. He’d done it even when Jesse came to their school out of nowhere. If Seiji could keep himself together then he could now. Jesse was a part of the past. 

Well, he had been until Seiji thought of his current confusion from the night before. 

Seiji shifted toward Nicholas. “I don’t care enough about Jesse to pick fights with him.”

Nicholas laughed a little. “So... with that logic, do you care about me?”

Seiji’s face went red immediately. “What?”

“You picked a fight with me,” Nicholas clarified, even though Seiji knew exactly what he was talking about. The storage closet incident wasn’t an easy memory to forget. 

Seiji decided to change the subject back to the banquet. “So, why do you really care about Exton being at the banquet?”

The nervous look on Nicholas's face reappeared. 

“Boys,” Coach William said, staring between Seiji and Nicholas. 

“Sorry, Coach,” they mumbled in unison. 

“As I was saying,” she said, “this year’s banquet is much bigger than last year. So they are allowing every member of the team to bring a date.”

“A date?” Aiden asked, his mouth parted in shock. “Well, this banquet just got much more interesting.”

Seiji glanced at Harvard and saw him averting his eyes away from Aiden. 

“Any other questions?” Coach asked. 

They all shook their heads. Seiji immediately turned to Nicholas. He was planning on repeating his question from before, but Nicholas looked even more nervous. He had gotten up and was walking to where his mask and épée were. 

Seiji didn’t try to ask Nicholas again. Nicholas had looked genuinely nervous when Coach was talking about the banquet and when he asked about Exton. Seiji was more confused now than before. If Nicholas was worried about seeing Jesse again, did that mean they knew each other? But Nicholas had refuted that before. 

Seiji didn’t have time to dwell on that fact since practice was beginning and unlike the morning, he was determined to stay focused. 

Seiji managed it for the most part. He refrained from looking at Nicholas unless he actually was taking a break, and that’s when he studied Nicholas’s fencing, comparing each of his hits to Robert’s. Seiji was regretting not looking at Jesse's videos for comparison now too. Eight months ago, Seiji could have remembered Jesse’s exact style of fencing, but so much had changed since then. 

Seiji noticed Aiden glancing over at him once. Shit. Had Aiden seen Seiji staring the whole time? Either way, one of Aiden’s glances was enough for Seiji to avoid looking at Nicholas for the rest of practice. The last thing Seiji needed was Aiden in his business right now. He just needed to find a way to just compare Nicholas’s technique alone. 

An idea came into Seiji’s mind. After practice was over, Seiji got Nicholas alone on the walk out of the salle. 

Nicholas was usually the one to invade Seiji's privacy so Seiji didn’t feel too bad about it just this once. 

“Nicholas,” Seiji called. Nicholas turned and waited for Seiji. Seiji could tell he was slightly agitated and anxious still from the banquet. He was still holding the papers. 

Seiji was about to speak, but he hesitated. He didn’t expect his idea to make him this nervous. Seiji took in a breath, disguising it as if he were just cold from the evening air. “I was just wondering if you would want to train with me.” Seiji felt his chest tighten. He had no reason to be this nervous. He figured Nicholas would say yes and this was the perfect plan to watch Nicholas’s fencing without someone else noticing. 

Nicholas’s eyes widened, clearly shocked. “What?”

“I want to train with you,” Seiji said, perhaps too bluntly.

“What’s the catch?” Nicholas asked.

“There isn’t one,” Seiji said. Why did Nicholas always have to be this difficult? “I don’t know why you’re refusing. I helped you fix your tense shoulders and there’s plenty of other critiques I can give.”

“Then why didn’t you give them during practice?” Nicholas asked. 

“I didn’t realize you wanted my critique of your awful technique broadcasted to the rest of the team,” Seiji said. He regretted it the moment it came from his mouth. 

Nicholas didn’t seem affected. “I think they’re aware of your thoughts on me by this point. But I also think that there’s something you want from training me, so what is it?” He asked, crossing his arms.

Just the truth about why you were watching Robert Coste’s old videos and what secrets you’ve been hiding from me for the past two months, Seiji thought. 

“Nothing,” Seiji said, defensively. “I just... Well, you said we’re friends, right?”

Nicholas nodded. “Of course.”

Seiji knew he didn’t have much more time to convince Nicholas. “I just figured we both like to fence, so we should fence together,” Seiji said, hating how awkward his voice sounded. 

Was it clear that he had never really been one to initiate plans before? Jesse had always been the one to invite Seiji everywhere. Seiji hadn’t really ever needed to do this before, but for Nicholas he figured he’d try. He wanted to get to the bottom of Nicholas’s secrets. 

Nicholas nodded again, some of the anxiousness fading from his face. “Okay. I’ll train with you. But you know if you help me too much, that only increases the chances of me beating you one day.”

Seiji scoffed. “I’m not too concerned.” It just kind of slipped out, he hadn’t meant to offend Nicholas. Seiji glanced sideways at Nicholas, who just laughed. Nicholas looked good when he laughed, Seiji thought, then immediately forced that thought out of his head.

But Nicholas’s laugh echoed in his head.

When he laughed so easily like that, Seiji thought, it was hard to believe Nicholas had any secrets at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love how each time I type "Exton", my autocorrect will instantly change it to either 'extinguisher' or 'extinction'. Like why?? Anyways I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

Seiji didn’t make the same mistake of staring at Nicholas at team practice the next day. He’d have time to study Nicholas's technique later when they trained alone. 

Nicholas was fencing Eugene and Seiji was fencing Harvard. Aiden hadn’t come to practice and Seiji could tell Harvard was annoyed by it. He kept glancing at the door, as if expecting Aiden to come. But Friday practices were never a priority of Aiden’s. Harvard was distracted, which made him easier to beat. Usually Seiji would have to put in more effort to beat Harvard. 

As Seiji made the last hit, the door to the salle swung open and Aiden strode in. 

Harvard shook Seiji’s hand after their match, though Seiji could tell Harvard was just watching Aiden. “Good job, Seiji. Your fleche is as impressive as always.”

“Thank you,” Seiji said. “Your low lines are improving.”

Harvard smiled and excused himself to go after Aiden. 

Seiji walked over to Nicholas and Eugene’s match. It wasn’t weird if Seiji was watching Nicholas fence like this, he thought. It was normal for fencers to watch other matches of course. But still Seiji made sure to look at Eugene just as much as Nicholas. 

Nicholas was fencing Eugene with much more skill than he had at tryouts. Though their techniques were different, they were perfectly matched. Neither had an overwhelming advantage, the score at 12-13 in Eugene’s favor. Seiji studied both of their techniques. Eugene moved with more force behind his attacks and he used his upper body strength to his advantage. Nicholas was more agile in his movements, his footing quick to adjust. But the true testament to Nicholas’s speed was his eye for his opponent’s openings. Eugene’s torso was twisted just so that Nicholas must have immediately spotted an opening. Seiji would have seen it by himself a few seconds afterwards. 

It was such a small advantage when paired with Nicholas’s technique. But Seiji knew what that advantage could result in. Jesse had been able to see openings like that too, like it was his second nature to see them. 

Harvard and Aiden returned, but instead of fencing, Aiden walked by Seiji to watch the match and Harvard was discussing something with Coach. 

“So… I noticed you staring at Nicholas yesterday at practice,” Aiden whispered, crossing his arms, pleased with his observation. 

Seiji’s face heated but he didn’t lose his composure. Aiden wanted a reaction out of him and he wasn’t going to get one.

“I was watching the match,” Seiji said. It was the truth after all. But the smirk on Aiden’s face said he wouldn’t believe it.

Aiden only rolled his eyes. “Okay,” he said. Seiji watched him walk away to talk to Harvard. He was left watching the end of Nicholas’s and Eugene's match. Seiji was surprised to see Aiden just walk away so quickly. 

The score was 14-13 in Nicholas’s favor. Seiji brought his mind back to the match, studying Nicholas’s movements and Eugene’s, trying to take it in all at once. He watched as they were even, attacking the other with just as much rigor and speed as the other. But in a split second Nicholas saw an opening in Eugene’s stance and took advantage of it. Nicholas’s face lit up behind his mask as he won. 

He shook hands with Eugene, who pulled him into a hug. “Damn, bro, how did you see that at the end?”

Nicholas shrugged, his face red from fencing. 

“Well, whatever it is, do it at our next match,” Eugene said. 

“Well done, boys,” Coach Williams called from the side, making notes on her clipboard. “Next up, I want to see Aiden and Seiji.”

Shit. That’s why Aiden hadn’t pressured Seiji into talking before. Aiden’s complacence suddenly made sense. 

A part of Seiji wished he was fencing Nicholas. That was all he wanted to do more than ever. 

Seiji walked onto the piste, trying to prepare himself for Aiden’s mind games. He was envious of Nicholas’s ability to just ignore Aiden, but he couldn’t. It was like part of his brain wanted to listen. 

Aiden looked innocent enough as he tied up his hair and put on his mask but the moment it was on, he was grinning. Aiden probably had his whole speech prepared in his head. 

Seiji slipped on his mask and readjusted his grip on his épée. Then the match began.

“So,” Aiden started, “you’ve been looking at Nicholas's fencing, huh? I haven’t seen you doing that with anyone else. You’re too perfect of a fencer to really learn from us, right?”

Seiji parried his attack in response. But Aiden’s second attack took him off guard. 

“You don’t have to worry though,” Aiden said it like he was doing Seiji a favor. “I’ll keep your little crush a secret. For the team’s sake.”

Seiji did not have a crush on Nicholas. Just the assumption alone made his stomach drop, though Seiji figured that's what Aiden was counting on. Aiden lunged   
forwards, making Seiji almost lose his balance. 

Just because him and Nicholas were civil now did not equate to a crush. And even if it did, Seiji knew better to fall for Nicholas. Nicholas would hate him if he knew Seiji had gone through his computer, even if it was accidental. Thinking about that was … it was more painful than Seiji expected. 

Seiji forced himself to breath. To try and block out Aiden’s words. 

“I didn’t think Nicholas was really your type,” Aiden said. “But I guess it makes sense. You two are both obsessed with fencing, so maybe you have more in common than you think.”

Seiji avoided Aiden’s attack only briefly and scored a point. 

“I mean, Nicholas is obviously crushing on you too, so it’s not that surprising. Well, not to me. Perhaps, it's news to you,” Aiden said. 

Nicholas what? Seiji felt the tip of his blade find his shoulder with almost enough force to leave a bruise. But that was nothing in comparison to how Seiji’s stomach dropped after Aiden had spoken. 

Seiji took a step back from shock. Aiden couldn’t possibly think Nicholas liked him, could he? No, there was no way Nicholas had a crush on Seiji. Aiden was probably just saying that to mess with Seiji’s head, to say the most surprising thing to make Seiji drop his guard. 

Seiji parried Aiden’s next attack, but his technique was slipping. He couldn’t think about Nicholas right now. Especially not after what Aiden said.

“Enough talking on the piste,” Coach shouted from the sideline. 

Aiden didn’t say anything more. 

Seiji lunged forward, faster and took another point from Aiden. Seiji knew he was still behind by two points now and he needed to catch up. But even after Aiden had stopped talking Seiji was still thinking about his words. Aiden knew precisely how to get in his head whether it was about Exton and now about Nicholas. 

But why Nicholas? 

Such a ridiculous and obvious lie shouldn’t have bothered Seiji this much but it did. 

Seiji managed to catch up and the score was even now, 13-13. 

Aiden couldn’t really believe Seiji had a crush on Nicholas, right? All Aiden and the rest of the team ever heard was Seiji and Nicholas bickering as they always did. When had Aiden come to that assumption?

Seiji won the next two points easily enough, but in double the time he would’ve if he wasn’t distracted. 

“Well done, boys,” Coach called out. 

Seiji and Aiden shook hands and walked off the piste. “I’ll keep your little secret safe,” Aiden said, as if he was doing Seiji a favor. 

“What secret?” Seiji asked. “I don’t have a crush on Nicholas and he doesn’t like me either. Just because you’re falling for your roommate doesn’t mean I am.”

Seiji was almost appalled at himself. He never spoke like... that. But his self control seemed to be on the decline this week and Aiden’s words hadn’t helped.

Aiden laughed it off with a little hand wave. “You know I don’t date guys on the team.”

Seiji nodded, deciding to quit while ahead, though he could have responded saying that liking Harvard and dating Harvard were two different things, but Aiden wouldn’t have admitted anything. 

Before Seiji could walk away, Nicholas was walking up to them. Harvard and Eugene had started their match. Nicholas was smiling as he walked up to them. 

“I’ll leave you two be,” Aiden said, waving and walking towards Coach. 

Seiji rolled his eyes as Aiden left but composed himself before Nicholas came up to him. Nicholas was running a hand through his hair that was a mess from his mask. 

“You did amazing in your match,” Nicholas said. 

“It was hardly my best,” Seiji said, crossing his arms, not recognizing the compliment. 

“The correct response is thank you,” he said with a little roll of his eyes. 

Instead of a direct response, Seiji said, “Aiden doesn’t exactly know when to keep quiet.”

“What was he saying?” Nicholas asked. 

Seiji’s eyes flicked away from him, as if Nicholas could tell he was about to lie. “Nothing. Just the banquet.”

“He was talking about the banquet with me too. He was saying we better hurry up and ask someone to be our date if we want one,” Nicholas said though at this point he was rambling. “Then he got on my case, asking me who I’d want to ask. But I told him if he kept pestering him I was going to ask Jay just to mess with him and then he stopped.”

Seiji actually laughed at that, even though he didn’t like the idea of Nicholas going on a date with Jay of all people.

Nicholas smiled like he was pleased something he said got that reaction out of Seiji. 

“You watched my match today,” Nicholas said, changing the subject. 

“Yes... ” Seiji said. He wasn’t quite sure where Nicholas was going with this.

“Well, I used to have to beg you to watch mine. You were always like ‘Zero, your technique is terrible’.”

“It was,” Seiji said without hesitation.

Nicholas rolled his eyes again. “At least you used past tense.”

“I told you yesterday you were improving. Why else would I offer to train with you?”

“You said we’re friends,” Nicholas said. He crossed his arms. “Or is there a catch to this?”

“Do you think I’m that manipulative?” Seiji asked. The words made him flinch on his way out. He wanted to help Nicholas though, Seiji told himself, he wasn’t just trying to figure out Nicholas’s secret to use it against him. 

“All I’m saying is that I am being given personal training by the second ranked fencer. You, on the other hand, I don’t know what you are getting out of this.   
Unless you just wanted to spend more time with me?” Nicholas asked and he was smirking. 

“We are roommates. How much more time could I want?” Only after it came out did Seiji realize it suggested he actually wanted more time with Nicholas. 

“Well, since you just admitted it, I’m willing to bet more,” Nicholas said, his tone much too smug.

Seiji scoffed. “You’d lose.” Though Seiji knew he was lying to himself and to Nicholas. All he had thought about for the past two days was fencing Nicholas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so this is the first half a chapter that I originally put way too much shit into so split it up and I added a chapter to the total lol (just in case you were wondering). Thank you all for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

“We could start training tonight. Practice is almost out anyways,” Nicholas said.

Seiji nodded. They asked Coach to stay after for an hour and she agreed. Aiden gave Seiji a quick look on the way out, since he noticed Seiji and Nicholas were staying behind, but Seiji didn’t look too much into it.

“So what should we work on?” Nicholas asked.

Seiji hesitated. He didn't have anything in mind. He just wanted to feel how Nicholas would fence against him. As an opponent. “Let’s just fence a standard match, then I can give you critiques.”

Nicholas nodded. 

They practiced together regularly since Coach often paired them together, but it was different when they were alone. Seiji felt like he could really see Nicholas’s fencing like this. He didn’t have to stress over Dymtro or Aiden looking over his shoulder. Perhaps a part of him did want to spend more time alone with Nicholas.

Seiji could see how it looked, like he was distracted by Nicholas. But better they think that than find out the real reason why Seiji was taking such a sudden interest in Nicholas. 

Though, to be fair, Seiji always had an interest in Nicholas. Even at Regionals. But after finding those videos of Robert Coste, his interest became more of a burning curiosity than anything. 

Nicholas didn’t seem like the type of person to keep secrets. He was so open about everything that it surprised Seiji the first time he questioned Nicholas about Jesse. Nicholas was closed off for the first time. Nicholas had allowed Seiji to see him vulnerable in other ways, never hiding his lack of experience in fencing, trying to make Seiji his friend. Seiji would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. He liked that Nicholas felt he could trust him. Seiji wouldn’t have cared if it was any other secret— he would’ve respected Nicholas’s privacy.

But this was the Costes. This was something he needed to know. 

Seiji still felt guilty though, despite all the justifications his brain created in his own defense. Nicholas would hate him. 

Seiji slipped his gloves on and his mask as Nicholas did the same. The match began as Seiji lunged forwards. 

Seiji watched as Nicholas moved, the lines of his body as he shifted his footing, and the changes of his grip on his épée. Seiji got his first hit in a slight opening on Nicholas’s back. And soon after he got another hit. 

A few minutes went by of Seiji and Nicholas parrying each other’s attacks and Seiji studying his every move. But despite all his efforts, Seiji still didn’t catch on to Nicholas's move. One moment Nicholas's attack was simple and clear in Seiji’s mind, easy to deflect. The next it came at him faster than he could ever possibly defend against. It hit him right in fourth. 

Just like at regionals. Just like Jesse had. 

Nicholas’s shock was clear in his wide eyes, but neither of them stopped. They fenced with even more focus than before. Seiji was in the lead still, but after another few minutes of fencing, Nicholas's tactics worked again and he got another hit, this time on Seiji’s shoulder. 

Nicholas was too fast for him. 

In the end Seiji won, but Nicholas's speed still shocked him. Seiji wondered in that moment if he should just ask Nicholas how he had become that fast. If he brought up Jesse one more time, maybe Nicholas would be honest.

They took off their masks and Nicholas was grinning like he’d won. He looked happy. Seiji’s mind was wiped clear of any ideas involving talking about Jesse. 

“How did I do?” Nicholas asked.

Seiji walked with him to where their water bottles were. “You’ve improved your shoulders since last time. They’re not as tense. And you’re fast. It’s like—“

He stopped himself. He hadn’t meant—

“Like what?” Nicholas asked. When Seiji remained silent, unable to think of a lie, Nicholas crossed his arms. “Why did you want to train me, Seiji?”  
Seiji felt his stomach tighten. 

Nicholas didn’t exactly give him ample time to answer. “I think I know why.” He stepped closer to Seiji and Seiji froze. “I think it’s because when you see me, all you see is Jesse. Still.”

“I don’t—” Seiji began. That wasn’t a lie. Nicholas made it sound simpler than it was, like Seiji could see only Nicholas or only Jesse. But Seiji saw Nicholas in front of him, just with… hints of Jesse there. 

“If you’re looking for an explanation, I can’t give it to you,” Nicholas said, his voice becoming sharper.

Seiji felt his self control slip.

“Can’t or won’t?” Seiji asked, arching his brow. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

Seiji stared at Nicholas, searching his eyes for some sort of tell. Nicholas’s fists were curling now. Seiji felt like they were back in the storage closet, about to fight again. But this time was different. They were supposed to be friends now, not on the cusp of fighting again. 

Nicholas looked nervous and tense, like there was something he wanted to say but didn’t. He uncurled his fists. “Can we drop this for now? You promised you would train me and I don’t want to waste our time fighting.”

Seiji hesitated. He stared at Nicholas but Nicholas was already looking at him. There was a little bit of exhaustion around his eyes. Seiji knew he didn’t want to fight and Seiji didn’t either. “Fine,” he said, knowing this was only a temporary solution.

“Thanks,” Nicholas said, the nervousness fading only slightly from his expression.

“We should go over your grip,” Seiji said. 

“My grip?” Nicholas asked, twisting his épée in his hand. 

Seiji nodded. “It’s not as large a technical issue as your shoulders were, but some of that tension probably relocated to your grip. I noticed it a few times during the match.”

Nicholas nodded. 

“Take off your glove,” Seiji said as he took off his own. It was easier to demonstrate without a glove so Nicholas could see where to place his hand and wrist. 

Nicholas freed his hands from the glove and took his épée again. 

Seiji walked towards his left side to show his own grip on the épée. Seiji demonstrated on his right hand. “You want to loosen your grip a little more. And make sure you position your thumb at eleven o’ clock.”

Nicholas shifted his thumb and Seiji could tell he tried to relax his tension in his arm, but the line of it wasn’t quite right. 

“Like this?” Nicholas asked. 

Seiji set his épée down and held Nicholas’s wrist. Just as he thought there was too much tension there. He tilted Nicholas’s wrist so the angle was better, releasing some of the built up tension. His fingers brushed against Nicholas’s as he released his hand.

“Like this,” Seiji instructed. “Try lunging with that grip.”  


Nicholas did so and it looked much better than before. But there was still tension in his wrist. 

“Just relax your hand,” Seiji said, his fingers tracing over the inside of his wrist that was still tense.

Nicholas nodded and loosened his grip to ease out the tension. 

“Do you feel the difference?” Seiji asked, staring at Nicholas's hand under his. 

“Oh, yeah, it feels... better,” Nicholas said, clearing his throat. 

Seiji’s eyes flickered up to Nicholas's face for a moment and he saw Nicholas was blushing. 

Instantly, Seiji wished he hadn’t looked up. He felt his own cheeks heating and he let Nicholas’s wrist go. “Good.” 

A part of Seiji wished he’d just asked Nicholas the question and came clean. Seiji knew the longer he waited the more Nicholas, and himself, would get hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll this was way more angsty than I intended omg but I promise their stubbornness won't go on for too much longer. Thank you for reading! 💖


	5. Chapter 5

Seiji practiced with Nicholas every day until Wednesday without incident. They had been able to ignore the tension that resurfaced during last Friday’s practice and just fence, but Seiji knew Nicholas was still questioning why he was fencing alone with Seiji anyways. 

Seiji thought he could have ignored the burning questions inside him if not for a reminder on Wednesday during team practice.

Coach had called another meeting about the banquet. They were all sitting and stretching on the ground like before, only this time Seiji was making sure to watch Nicholas.

“I just wanted to briefly talk about the banquet again,” Coach Williams explained, “because it is your first time to meet the other fencers, but also their first time to meet you all. I don’t want any fighting with one another.” She eyed Seiji and Nicholas. “You all have to present yourself as a team. Especially when other team captains come and meet you. With Seiji on the team this year, the other captains might show more interest in us than last year.”

The team all said a chorus of “Yes, Coach.”

Seiji froze at the mention of his name, but even more so at what he thought she was talking about. He could only assume that by other captains she had meant Jesse in particular. Seiji appreciated the warning, but his main focus was still on Nicholas. 

Seiji felt Nicholas tense at his side.

He arched his brow at Nicholas’s reaction. Nicholas was most likely thinking of Jesse too, as he was Exton’s team captain. How Nicholas had forgotten, Seiji didn’t know. It wasn’t like Jesse was at all secretive about it.

Nicholas had avoided questions about the banquet all together since Friday, which only made Seiji more curious. Why was he dreading the banquet so much? He’d already seen Jesse a few weeks ago when he’d come to fence Seiji, and Jesse didn’t even bat an eye at Nicholas. What would be different about this banquet?

Seiji waited until after team practice was over to interrogate. He couldn’t take this anymore. Whatever Nicholas was keeping from him had to end now. He’d had enough of Nicholas's secrets. 

Coach and the rest of the team left after the end of the banquet meeting, leaving Seiji and Nicholas alone. 

Nicholas was still sitting on the floor readjusting his gloves. “Ready to fence?” Nicholas asked, as he rose.

Seiji was crossing his arms, staring at his fencing gear. He had taken it off during the meeting and didn’t have the desire to put it back on. Before they fenced any more Seiji wanted answers. 

He spun around on his heel. “I need to know about Jesse,” Seiji said, his voice stern and commanding. 

Nicholas stared at him and he physically recoiled, stepping back a step. 

Seiji ignored it. He shouldn’t feel bad for Nicholas. Nicholas was the one lying to him.  
He’d been lying for weeks. 

“I told you I don’t know him,” Nicholas said, crossing his arms. 

“You do,” Seiji said. “You tense up every time he’s even mentioned in passing. Why?”

“Why do you care?” Nicholas said. 

“I don’t, but I think it’s fair of me to ask since I am training you,” Seiji said.

Nicholas laughed. “Now you’re clearly lying. You’re obsessed with Jesse. I know you’ve always been.”

“I’m not,” Seiji said.

“Then fence me!” Nicholas said. “Don’t think of Jesse when you’re fencing me. Fence me. Stop trying to fucking compare us.”

“Fine,” Seiji said, pulling on his gloves and mask. Nicholas did the same. “Then let’s fence. For every hit we get, the other has to answer a question.”

“Fine,” Nicholas said, grabbing his épée. “I have questions for you too.” He smirked as he straightened his gloves. It was nothing like his usual smile. 

Seiji didn’t know what Nicholas was talking about, but he didn’t bother to ask. He was going to beat Nicholas anyways. 

Seiji didn’t waste time either. The second their masks were on, Seiji raised his épée. Nicholas was putting up a fight and using more correct technique, but it was enough for Seiji to get the upper hand. Within the first minute of their match, Seiji had got the first hit. Anger and annoyance flashed behind Nicholas’s eyes, but he was staring wholly at Seiji. 

For now he was going to go along with this. 

“If you don’t know Jesse personally, why do you fence like him?” Seiji asked.

“Maybe because we are both left handed fencers?” Nicholas said, adjusting his grip on his épée, like he was impatient to continue. 

Seiji didn’t believe that. His skill did not come from what hand he was dominant with. It came from natural skill alone.

They went back to fencing, their attacks evenly matched. Seiji had better technique than Nicholas though still, so he was able to get another hit.

“What is it about the banquet that makes you nervous?”

Nicholas shrugged. His eyes were guarded but he didn’t look away like he did when he usually lied. “There’s going to be a lot of important people there. Fencers and coaches and… everyone with a name in fencing. I know you know them, but I don’t know any of them. And I want to make a good first impression.” He swallowed hard at the end, as if choking down more words. 

Seiji opened his mouth to ask a follow up question, but Nicholas cut him off with the swing of his épée.

He was more riled up than before. Seiji could tell by his motions, the carelessness of them. But Nicholas's attack was fast and Seiji couldn’t have defended it even if he’d had another moment to prepare.

“What were you and Jesse before?” Nicholas asked. 

Seiji didn’t expect that question. That was what Nicholas wanted an answer to? Of all things for Nicholas to care about… 

“We were friends about a year ago. We broke apart after Nationals,” Seiji said.

He recalled the screaming and yelling of a fight between them that ended in Seiji saying he didn’t want to see Jesse ever again unless they were on opposite sides of the piste. 

Seiji began fencing again without warning. Nicholas was quick to catch on and they fell into the rhythm of fencing again. Seiji quickly enough got another hit.

“How did you learn to fence with this much speed?” Seiji asked. 

“It wasn’t something I learned. I already told you I only had a year of practice and my technique, as you’ve said multiple times before, is awful. But I can just... see my opponent’s openings.”

It wasn’t something I learned. 

As Seiji suspected, it was a natural trait. Nicholas was lucky to have been given such a sharp eye for fencing. Seiji wondered briefly about Nicholas’s parents. He’d mentioned a mother that wasn’t “big on parent stuff”, but not a father. 

It was strange that Nicholas didn’t mention the videos though. Seiji thought back to the videos of Robert Coste and he hitched his breath. No. Robert Coste… For a moment, Seiji thought that perhaps… 

Seiji hesitated and shrugged off the thought. They went back to fencing instantly. Nicholas was getting impatient with this and so was Seiji. 

Seiji kept thinking about Nicholas's answer and his wild assumption, which only distracted him more. Seiji lunged forwards but Nicholas parried the attack. Nicholas was fencing even faster than before. Nicholas managed to hit Seiji in fourth. 

“Why do you care that I fence like Jesse?” Nicholas asked. 

“I don’t care—” Seiji started.

“You do,” Nicholas said, not letting them go back to fencing just yet. “Is it because Jesse is the only person you’ve ever lost to? Is it because you haven’t gotten over losing to him?”  
There was anger and hurt in Nicholas's eyes. Anger that Seiji knew he deserved but he wasn’t ready to admit that. Of course Nicholas would use Jesse against him like this. Seiji was doing the same to him. The hurt in his eyes was still worse though. 

Why was it that Jesse was the one driving Seiji and Nicholas apart? Jesse of all people. 

Seiji didn’t give Nicholas an answer. He just tightened his grip on his épée and went back to fencing. 

Nicholas was taken off guard at first, but their skills seemed to be evenly matched, more so than usual. They fenced until Seiji finally managed to get another hit. It was more forceful than usual and his usual hits were hard to begin with.

Nicholas gasped and stumbled back.

Seiji pressed the tip of his épée into Nicholas’s chest, making his stumble backwards. Taking advantage of his unbalanced footing, Seiji brought his blade to Nicholas's and it fell to the ground. 

Nicholas glared at the épée but he didn’t try to retrieve it.

Seiji dropped his épée from Nicholas's chest. “We’re done. You should have known you wouldn’t beat me,” Seiji said. Nicholas stared back at him but made no indication he wanted to speak. “If you won’t tell me the truth then I’m not going to waste my time training you. I guess we’re done.” 

Nicholas decided to speak then. “You don’t get to guilt me into anything, Seiji. It’s not like you tell me everything either. You never even told me what Jesse was to you and I never asked.”

“You asked about him when we fenced,” Seiji said. 

“You didn’t give me another option—” Nicholas started. 

“Why do you care about Jesse so much if you didn’t know him?” Seiji asked, thinking this would finally get Nicholas to answer him. Nicholas admitted he wanted to know about Jesse too. 

Seiji got his answer, though not what he was expecting. 

“Because you’re obsessed with him,” Nicholas said, swallowing hard, “and because I actually started to get to like you, Seiji.” His cheeks went red. “And before I let myself like you anymore I want to make sure I’m not going after someone who’s Jesse’s. Jesse already has everything. Everyone. And I—”

Seiji didn’t have time to process Nicholas's words fully. But he caught onto the last portion and interrupted. “I’m not Jesse’s,” Seiji shouted. “Jesse and I fought after Nationals and we ruined years of friendship in an hour. I don’t want to do the same now.”

Nicholas blinked at him.

Seiji didn’t even bother gathering his épée of his duffle. He left the salle in his fencing uniform without looking back at Nicholas. Seiji made it back to their room without having Nicholas come running after him, but Seiji didn’t want that either. 

Seiji didn’t even know what to do. Especially now. What Nicholas was saying... 

Nicholas couldn’t possibly actually like Seiji, could he? Seiji had been awful to him. He’d been rude and mean and demanding about Jesse this entire time. But Nicholas wouldn’t have admitted to liking him if he didn’t mean it. 

Seiji’s stomach hollowed. He wanted Nicholas to like him, he realized. The worst of it all was that Seiji wanted Nicholas to like him. Seiji caught his breath as he let himself process that thought alone. No. No I can't like Nicholas, can I? Seiji had even less experience with crushes than with friends and he was awful at friends. 

He thought back to their hands touching and Nicholas's laughs and his constant flirtation. Seiji had been so caught up with Nicholas’s fencing that he hadn’t considered this at all. 

Seiji hated how Aiden's words were flooding back into his head. If Aiden hadn’t said anything... maybe Seiji could ignore this. 

He tried to though. He showered before Nicholas returned and climbed into bed. When Nicholas returned from the salle, Seiji pretended to be asleep, but he could still Nicholas if he shifted his head. Nicholas was in sweatpants and a hoodie again and his hair was wet from showering in the lockers. Nicholas had done so to avoid him, Seiji knew.

Nicholas was more silent than ever when he entered. The only sound announcing his presence was the sound of the door to their room slamming. 

Their suits for the banquet that hung on the door in bags crumpled to the ground. In any other circumstance, Seiji would have insulted Nicholas for his lack of awareness or his carelessness when it came to clothes, but Seiji had no energy left to fight with Nicholas. 

Nicholas picked them up and hung them back on the hook. He hesitated at the door. Seiji tensed, wondering if Nicholas knew he was awake. After another moment of hesitation, Seiji knew Nicholas saw through his act.

Nicholas’s gaze fell to the ground and he said, “If you had just asked in the first place, I may have told you the truth.”

Seiji’s chest clenched and he felt like he could hear the hurt though Nicholas’s words alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this was way more angsty than I intended omg, but anyways... Thank you for reading again! All of your comments are so sweet and you're amazing!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll this chapter was wayyy longer than expected but what can I say other than I like the drama? Thank you all for reading !! <3

Nicholas had avoided Seiji as best he could until Saturday, the day of the banquet. Three days of Nicholas and Seiji hardly saying a word to one another had Seiji expecting Nicholas to ignore him throughout today though too, despite the banquet. 

They had a morning practice since they were supposed to leave for the banquet in the afternoon. The practice had felt strange and Seiji knew everyone knew it too. Harvard had asked him multiple times if he and Nicholas were good and Seiji continued to lie. Aiden gave him and Nicholas confused glances like he couldn’t make sense of what had happened. Eugene was trying his best to lighten the mood and Nicholas seemed to be perceptible to it, laughing and joking around a little with Eugene.

After practice, Coach told them all to get ready for the banquet and meet back at the salle around three o’ clock. Nicholas left to shower in the locker room again so Seiji went back to their room. He expected Nicholas to ignore him when he returned but he didn’t. When Seiji got out of the bathroom, Nicholas was already there. 

“Seiji,” he started, “I’m still mad at you.”

Seiji nodded, unsure why Nicholas thought he needed the reminder. Nicholas’s anger was still quite clear and Seiji was angry too, but less at Nicholas and more at himself. 

Nicholas continued, “But for the team’s sake, we should try to get along at the banquet.”

Seiji nodded again. “Okay,” he said. 

“You’re not gonna try to fight me in a storage closet again?” Nicholas asked, almost in a joking manner but his smile in the end fell flat.

“I—” Seiji said as if he could think of a defense. He knew he didn’t have one. 

Nicholas smiled a little more at that, but his gaze fell from Seiji soon enough to look at his clothes. He had his suit splayed out on his bed like he was going to change. 

Seiji eyed the black suit and white dress shirt. For once Seiji wasn’t opposed to Nicholas wearing so much black. Nicholas looked good in his school uniform but the idea of Nicholas in formal attire was more attractive than Seiji had expected. He stopped those thoughts quicker than he thought possible.

Seiji’s face heated and he left for his side of the room to change too. The tension in the room alone seemed to ease just from their conversation. Just speaking to Nicholas was a relief now. 

But Seiji knew they were not the same. Nicholas's secret still loomed in the air over them. And so did Nicholas's confession. He’d admitted to Seiji that he’d started to like him and Seiji hadn’t even acknowledged it. Instead, Seiji had screamed about how he wasn’t Jesse’s. 

Seiji dressed as he thought about their fight again, even though he’d already thought of it every day since. He’d fucked up more than he ever thought he could. But Seiji still hadn’t told Nicholas about him finding the videos of Robert Coste on his computer. And really that was what started it all. He’d have to come clean soon.

Seiji was torn from his thoughts when he heard his name. “Seiji?” Nicholas asked from his side of the room. 

“Yes?” Seiji asked, tucking in his dress shirt to his pants and tightening the tie around his neck. 

Nicholas pushed aside the curtain and stepped into Seiji’s side. He was wearing his dress pants and shoes but his button up shirt was untucked and rolled up to his elbows. He looked effortlessly handsome. Seiji then noticed what Nicholas was holding. Nicholas had his red tie in his hands. 

“Can you help me?”

“You know how to tie a tie. I’ve seen you manage with your school uniform,” Seiji said.

Nicholas shrugged. “The material is different. I keep making it uneven.”

“That’s how you leave it for school,” Seiji muttered but he didn’t really need convincing to help Nicholas. Nicholas was talking to him more than he had in days.

Nicholas pursed his lips. “Thanks.”

Seiji took the tie from him and wrapped it around his neck, adjusting it around the collar and tying it with ease, but he slowed his movements just a little because Nicholas's eyes were on his hands. 

And if Seiji was being honest he didn’t really want to let go, but he did in the end. 

He stepped back and let Nicholas adjust the tightness. Nicholas stared back up at Seiji. “Thanks.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Seiji said. “I just don’t want you embarrassing our team at the banquet.” Seiji regretted it as soon as it slipped from his mouth. 

Nicholas’s face flushed and Seiji could tell he’d hit a nerve. Nicholas had said he was nervous about the banquet and he clearly was. 

Nicholas rolled his eyes and left for his side of the room again.

_______________

Two hours later, Seiji was watching out a window from the school bus they’d taken. Coach Williams was driving with Coach Lewis in the passenger seat giving directions.

Eugene, Aiden, and Harvard were talking with their dates and laughing. Though Harvard was clearly paying more attention to Aiden than to his own date. Aiden was less obvious, as he’d had more practice. 

Nicholas hadn’t brought a date and wound up sleeping for the majority of the ride to the banquet. Only when Coach Williams made the announcement that they’d be arriving in twenty minutes did Nicholas wake up. He was seated across the way from Seiji thankfully. Seiji remembered the last bus ride they’d been on for the MLC match and Nicholas was far too antsy to share a seat with for any longer than an hour. 

Seiji kept replaying the same thoughts over in his head. He knew he should have quit, but something about those videos of Robert Coste kept coming back to him. He hadn’t meant for his mind to come up with the insane notion that Robert Coste was actually Nicholas’s father, but Seiji couldn’t take back his thoughts. He knew they weren’t based on solid evidence, only his observations of Nicholas’s fencing skills— the same natural skills Jesse had. The same skills Seiji knew couldn’t be acquired from training or experience or anything else other than inheritance. 

But he couldn’t just ask Nicholas who his father was. Even if they were friends and Seiji hadn’t destroyed everything in the past two weeks, Seiji couldn’t ask Nicholas such a personal question. But if Robert Coste was going to be here… Nicholas’s reaction might be enough for Seiji to believe his own thoughts. 

Seiji forced himself not to think on it anymore and turned his head from the window. 

He saw Nicholas sliding in next to him. Thankfully, Nicholas kept his body still this time, though Seiji wouldn't say he looked calm. 

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Nicholas said as he combed a hand through his hair. His shirt was still tucked in by some miracle but his tie was loosened and his jacket had been abandoned when he slept. Nicholas pulled it back on and straightened it out. “Better?” He asked, gesturing to his overall appearance.

In the span of a minute he’d managed to become presentable so Seiji nodded, ignoring the part of him that found Nicholas in a suit attractive. Briefly, Seiji was thankful that Nicholas hadn’t brought along a date. He knew it was selfish to think such but he couldn’t help it and looking at Nicholas now didn’t help either. 

Nicholas exhaled a little breath and Seiji could tell he was tense and nervous. I want to make a good first impression, Nicholas had confessed to Seiji. Seiji wondered now if Nicholas was referring to meeting Robert Coste. 

The coaches led them through the entrance to the country club and inside the main hall that was set up with dozens of tables for each school. There were at least a hundred fencers from different schools already there, milling around and talking. Seiji glanced around and had to admit this banquet was much nicer than last years, but he’d only been in eighth grade then. Nicholas’s eyes went wide as he studied the room and Seiji wondered if Nicholas had ever seen this many fencers all together with the exception of maybe regionals. Instead of asking, Seiji tried to console him. 

“This is a lot of other fencers’ first year too. There’s no need to be nervous,” Seiji said.

Nicholas ran a hand through his hair again. “I know it’s just... it’s not the fencers.”

Seiji hesitated. Was it really Robert Coste Nicholas was nervous about seeing? Was it for the same reasons Seiji now thought and couldn’t get out of his mind?

After checking in, they were led to their own table. A few hours passed of introductions, eating, and mingling with other teams. The Kings Row team chatted with MLC the most, as Arune knew both Harvard and Aiden better than Seiji thought. Nicholas was uncharacteristically silent through it all. 

Arune and the rest of the MLC team left after saying their goodbyes. Seiji debated saying something to Nicholas, anything to get him not so nervous. 

Seiji was about to speak when he noticed Nicholas’s shocked expression. He quickly erased it, though his lips remained slightly parted.

Seiji followed Nicholas's gaze. His eyes were locked on two people walking closer to their table. Seiji’s eyes landed on Jesse first, who was wearing a black suit and a blue tie, as all the other Exton fencers were wearing. He looked like he had only a month ago when he’d made a surprise visit to Kings Row, the same fake smile on his face that would please both Coach Williams and his father behind him. Robert Coste was walking behind him, talking as they walked and laughing with his son, clasping his hand on his back. Seiji hadn’t known Robert well when he and Jesse were friends, but even if he did, Seiji felt like he was viewing Robert Coste in a new light. 

Nicholas’s reaction made Seiji stiffen. Nicholas couldn’t possibly be related to Robert Coste, could he? Yet Nicholas's face said as much. 

And Nicholas had said it himself during training. When Seiji had asked him how he learned to fence so fast, Nicholas said it wasn’t something he learned. Jesse had that kind of natural skill too. Seiji had been so focused on connecting Nicholas with Jesse that he hadn’t even thought of Robert at first. But now... it was making too much sense in his head when he had no true evidence but their fencing technique.

Seiji sensed Nicholas tensing up beside him even more. 

Coach Williams noticed them coming and stood with a smile.

Robert smiled like Jesse. It was a perfect smile but something Seiji didn’t trust anymore. Nicholas’s smile was different. 

But Nicholas wasn’t smiling now. He was staring at the table, moving the food around on his plate.

“How wonderful to see you, Robert,” Coach Williams said, shaking hands with Robert. “It’s been too long.”

Robert laughed. “Much too long, I do apologize. Next time Jesse visits Kings Row I would be happy to accompany him there. Your team this year is quite impressive I’ve heard,” he said as he scanned the table to see the team. Nicholas hadn’t looked up again. 

Seiji wanted to roll his eyes at Robert’s words. Kings Row was still a less known school, without a reputation and without a title at state championships since Robert Coste himself. 

“Thank you,” Coach said. She smiled back at Jesse. “How are you, Jesse? It’s nice to see you again.”

Jesse, who’d been studying the table of Kings Row fencers, looked up. “I’m excited to be here and meet everyone,” Jesse said. “I only know Seiji, but I would love to meet the rest of your team, as I didn’t get the chance last time I visited.” 

At the mention of Seiji's name, he stood and walked beside Coach Williams. He didn't want to leave Nicholas, but he also knew that the sooner he greeted Jesse the sooner the Costes would leave. 

“Hello, Jesse,” Seiji said, managing to conceal his anger with a small smile.

“Hello, Seiji,” Jesse said. Seiji knew Jesse only refrained from saying anything condescending because of his father so close behind him.

Robert extended his hand for Seiji to shake and Seiji obliged. “Hello, Sir. It’s nice to see you again.”

“You as well, Seiji. It’s been quite some time. How are you liking Kings Row?”

“It’s been wonderful,” Seiji said, ignoring the look Jesse was giving him. “Coach Williams and Coach Lewis are very talented and the team is coming together well.” Seiji knew Coach Williams would be thankful for mentioning the strong emphasis on teamwork she’d been going on about since the MLC practice match. Robert and Coach Williams began discussing something but Seiji was still stuck with Jesse. 

Jesse looked back at the table again, “I’d love to meet the rest of the team.” 

Seiji only half heard what he said because he noticed Nicholas was gone by the time Jesse had stopped talking. 

Shit. Where had Nicholas gone? Seiji scanned the room but it was too large to see Nicholas. 

Usually he wouldn’t be worried if Nicholas was gone. Nicholas could do what he wanted and no one was making him sit at the table, but still Seiji had a feeling something was wrong. 

“Uh,” Seiji began, failing to mask his confusion. He glanced at Eugene and his date who was sitting there looking bored. Seiji figured he’d be doing them both a favor by introducing them to Jesse. “Jesse, have you met Eugene? He’s one of our team’s reserves.” 

Seiji walked up to Eugene and his date and Jesse followed, thankfully. 

“Uh, hello,” Eugene said with a confused glance towards Jesse and then Seiji. “Seiji, are you alright bro?”

“I’m fine but did you see where Nicholas went?” Seiji asked. 

Eugene shook his head. “Sorry, man.”

Seiji just nodded and left, leaving Eugene and his date to meet Jesse.

Seiji walked fast despite not knowing where Nicholas went. After walking through the various halls that stemmed from the larger banquet hall, Seiji still couldn’t find Nicholas. As a last resort, Seiji slipped out of the building and went out a pair of glass doors that led out onto a covered porch overlooking the green and a lake. It was dark outside now and the air was colder than even most autumn Connecticut nights, but Seiji saw Nicholas standing there with his back to Seiji and his hands pressed against the railing. 

Seiji walked to the railing, not knowing how to approach Nicholas.

“Nicholas, what—” Seiji began.

“Don’t, Seiji,” Nicholas snapped but his voice broke. “Don’t try to ask me any more of your questions.”

Seiji nodded, trying to find the right words to say. If anyone else had tried to speak to Seiji that way he would have insulted them, but it was Nicholas. Everything with Nicholas was different. 

Nicholas turned to face Seiji after another moment of silence. Seiji studied his eyes and they were glistening, but Seiji could tell he hadn’t cried yet. 

“I didn’t mean to leave the banquet. I just needed a minute. I—” Nicholas choked up.

“Nicholas, I think I know—” Seiji began again. 

“How long did you know? Is that why you wanted to train with me?” He stepped closer to Seiji, the look of tears gone from his eyes. “Was all that shit about us being friends a lie?”

Seiji felt his throat close for a moment. “No,” he finally managed, “We are friends. If you still want to be. I never meant to find out.”

Nicholas laughed but it was cold. “You never meant to find out? You’ve been interrogating me since tryouts. Ever since you saw Jesse in me, you’ve been comparing me to him. How would you like it if you were being compared to someone with your every move, Seiji? That’s why I didn’t want the secret to get out. What if I compared you to Jesse every chance I had?”

Seiji didn't try to speak again, he just let Nicholas vent. He knew nothing he could have said would stop Nicholas anyways. He'd been holding this all in for too long.

“I knew I could handle seeing Jesse again and I thought I could be able to meet Robert even as just a random fencer from Kings Row, but I couldn’t even do that. I couldn’t face him.”

“Nicholas, I’m sorry,” Seiji tried. 

“Sorry? You couldn’t let my fucking secret go. You wanted to know the truth and you got it. You win our stupid game,” Nicholas persisted, crossing his arms.

“I was going to let it go,” Seiji insisted. Then he realized what he needed to say to explain himself. “I saw your computer that night. You had it open when you fell asleep and I went to charge it and I saw the videos of Robert Coste. It was an accident.”

Nicholas’s face heated even though Seiji could only see a tinge of redness in the darkness. Nicholas dropped his arms. 

Seiji continued, “I didn’t understand why at first. I only figured out when you… left. I had thought of it in passing but I couldn’t even think of it as a real possibility, you being Robert Coste’s son.”

“Why?” Nicholas snapped, “Because I’m not his real son? Because I’m not as good as Jesse?”

“No,” Seiji said faster than he thought he could even speak. “Because you’re nothing like Jesse. I shouldn’t have spent so much time trying to convince myself you were.” 

“I know you still see Jesse when you look at me. All I’ve ever been to you is a path to beat Jesse. I kept trying to not be like him but I’ve ran out of fucking options.” Nicholas breathed out, exhausted as if he’d been holding it all in for too long. Seiji briefly wondered how long. 

Nicholas’s eyes fell to Seiji’s mouth but before Seiji could process what came next he felt Nicholas’s hand wrap around his tie and pull him in. Then Nicholas’s lips pressed against his. The kiss was rougher than Seiji expected but he didn’t pull away at first, too shocked to even move. He felt his back pressing into the railing and Nicholas’s hands on his neck and everything about it should have felt good but it felt wrong. 

Seiji broke apart from Nicholas with a gasp. They were still standing too close.

“Shit, Seiji, I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Nicholas,” Seiji said in between breaths, “we can’t... you don’t want this. You’re angry right now.” 

Nicholas stepped back, his eyes unreadable now. His voice went cold again. “Of course I’m angry. I didn’t want anyone to find out. Especially you.”

Seiji didn’t even have time to ask what Nicholas meant but he watched as Nicholas went back inside. Seiji wanted to go after him to explain what he hadn’t, but he knew Nicholas wouldn't listen. Not yet.

Seiji went back inside the banquet and he saw no evidence that Nicholas had returned. The rest of the night Seiji felt the trace of Nicholas’s lips on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering if I was trying to hint at the beginning of Eugesse I very much was ; )


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this! <3 It was so much fun writing and I hope you enjoyed it! My goal was to finish this by the release date of Striking Distance so I barely made it lol. Thank you all for your support you're all literally the sweetest!! <3

It was almost midnight when they left the banquet. Seiji had been wanting to leave since he and Nicholas had fought. All of the teams took their time to say their goodbyes to each other, so Coach Williams threatened two hundred suicides to anyone not on the bus in five minutes. Despite everyone’s exhaustion, they were on the bus, even Nicholas. 

He walked on the bus from wherever he’d been hiding and he looked exhausted. Seiji stared at him as he walked onto the bus, expecting Nicholas to take a seat as far away from Seiji as possible and fall asleep. But he hesitated as he got to Seiji’s seat. Nicholas locked eyes with him as soon as he saw Seiji and sat next to him.

Seiji stiffened, but shifted over so that Nicholas would have more room in the seat. He hadn’t expected Nicholas to speak to him again for at least a day, but here Nicholas was now a few hours later, sitting close to him. He seemed exhausted but calm, like he had no energy left to fight or yell anymore. 

Nicholas slouched in the seat and was messing with his tie, not looking up at Seiji. It was jarring, having Nicholas next to him so silent when the last time Seiji had seen him, they’d fought, amongst other things. Seiji’s face warmed at the thought of the kiss again. For the past two hours he’d been trying to convince himself that the kiss had meant nothing. Not to Nicholas or to himself. 

Seiji knew at least the latter was a lie. 

Seiji wanted to say something but he figured he should let Nicholas say whatever he wished to say at his own pace, if he felt comfortable. The calm look on his face could just be a facade. 

Nicholas finally shifted towards Seiji. “I’m sorry I kissed you, Seiji. I wasn’t thinking. I know you don’t even—” he spoke in a whisper so that no one else on the bus heard. Seiji and Nicholas were sitting in one of the back rows of the bus so Seiji doubted anyone could hear. 

Seiji wanted to tell him how he felt, but Nicholas regretted the kiss, so he put those thoughts aside and said, “You were angry at me and I didn’t want you to do something you’d regret just because you were mad.”

Nicholas nodded, hesitant. “Did you mean what you said? That I’m nothing like Jesse?”

“You’re talented like Jesse, but you're nothing like him. You’re a better friend than he ever was to me. You wouldn’t break apart a friendship over fencing, like Jesse did. And like I did to us.”

“We... I still want to be friends with you, Seiji,” Nicholas said. “I don't want to fight. I just need to know the truth.”

Seiji nodded. “I wasn’t lying about it being an accident that I saw those videos. I admit I was curious how you fenced so similarly to Jesse, I didn’t try and hide it, but I shouldn’t have let myself become so invested in it.”

Nicholas’s attention turned from his tie and stared at Seiji. “I just kept remembering every time you asked about Jesse, how he seemed to be the only one ever on your mind when you were fencing me. I felt invisible to you.” He hesitated before he continued, “Why did you truly want to train with me?”

Seiji hated himself but he knew he owed Nicholas the truth. “I had asked you to train with me because I wanted to see if I could make you tell me your secret. If I had known from the start that your secret was this... I wouldn’t have ever pressed you. I should have just asked but I didn’t.” Seiji paused but Nicholas didn’t seem ready to talk and content with listening to Seiji. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

Nicholas nodded but stayed quiet. Seiji could tell he was trying to think of something to say. 

“I forgive you, Seiji. I know you wouldn’t have pressured me into admitting that kind of secret. I just— I wasn’t only angry because you were comparing me to Jesse. I’ve gotten used to that for some time. But when you compared us, I was... I am nervous that that’s what Robert will do. Jesse is his legitimate son and he’s been training him for years. Me though, there isn’t a guarantee that he’d even want me if he found out who I was. Seeing him at the banquet was harder than I expected and I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Nicholas,” Seiji said. “I deserved what you told me.”

“You didn’t though. And you definitely didn’t deserve to be kissed like that.” Nicholas’s cheeks reddened.

Seiji’s cheeks flushed too. “I... I didn’t hate the kiss.”

“You wanted me to kiss you?” Nicholas asked, shifting to look at Seiji a bit more. 

“I—” Seiji hesitated. He hadn’t admitted to himself yet either. His feelings for Nicholas had been so colluded by his own disaster but he knew he liked Nicholas. “I like you and I wanted it, yes.” Seiji knew he owed Nicholas that truth, even if Nicholas no longer felt anything. “Did you? I know you only did it out of anger.”

Nicholas blinked, a confused expression briefly passing over his face. “I didn’t want to kiss you like that, but I did want to kiss you.” After another moment, he spoke again. “I also wanted you to realize that I am not Jesse. How did I do?” At last, he smirked.

Seiji rolled his eyes. “I never kissed Jesse.”

“Good,” Nicholas said through a yawn. “That’s kind of what I was hoping. But just to be clear, did you ever like Jesse?”

Seiji couldn’t imagine dating Jesse. Whoever wound up with him would be in for a lot of trouble. “No, we were only friends.”

“Then what are we?” Nicholas asked.

“What do you want us to be?” Seiji asked, afraid to say the words himself.

“I know I want to kiss you again,” Nicholas said. “At least to make up for the first.” 

Seiji nodded, unsure of what else to say. He was still shocked that Nicholas liked him after everything. But he did.

Nicholas’s eyes went wide. “Now?”

“No, I am not letting you kiss me on a bus as our redo,” Seiji said. 

Nicholas laughed but nodded in agreement. “Okay. I want to take you on an actual date first anyways. Maybe this time I can convince you to sneak out past curfew.”

“You’ll have to persuade me,” he said, trying not to think about the possibility of actually dating Nicholas. He hadn’t even let himself think about liking Nicholas let alone dating him. “Can we still train together?” Seiji asked, unsure of how Nicholas wanted to go about everything that was so new. 

Nicholas smiled. “Seiji, you don’t even have to ask. I told you from the start that I didn’t understand how you benefited from the practice but I certainly did.”

“Your technique isn't nearly as awful now,” Seiji said. 

Nicholas grinned at the half- compliment. “I’m glad you were the one to find out my secret. You’re the only one who I could have been sure wouldn’t treat me differently.”

“You like that I am still insulting your technique?” Seiji asked, arching his brows.

“No,” Nicholas said. “But I do like that you push me. I wanted to be your rival from the start because you pushed me like no one else.”

“You are my rival, in fencing, anyways,” Seiji said. “You push me too.”

Nicholas grinned. “My secret finally made you realize that?”

“Not your secret exactly,” Seiji said, staring back at Nicholas. “But I kept trying to see past your secret to find the truth and I wound up seeing you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and I hope you like the ending! I know its kinda short but I am planning to do a sequel-ish thing for this fic (I'm like 99% sure I will) because I have no impulse control <3


End file.
